Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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