Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
