yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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