i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize