New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
