idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
