how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
