6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
