walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
