so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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