Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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