There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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