Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
