No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
