I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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