I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize