fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
