I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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