she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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