And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
