can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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