don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
