All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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