He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
