either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
