when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize