If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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