the day after is always just damage control
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
