She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
