I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
