I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
wow bdsm is so cute
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
