I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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