I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i came on her dog
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bring me that man meat
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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