lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
