I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
