tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
