I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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