Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
