it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
