There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My room smells like vodka and shame
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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