Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
