We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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