i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
