I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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