You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
