So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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