so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
