bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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