Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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