If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
