I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
