Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
