I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
