I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
