Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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