What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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