i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
