quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize