Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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