Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
