i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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