Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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