i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Still dying that you shit outside
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
