The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
