Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
