I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
