I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
