i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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