Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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