R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
