Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize