Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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