found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
