We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
