a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize