you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the raccoons are back...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
