Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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