if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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