the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
