my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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