The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
