saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
