i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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