So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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