What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i dont even know how to be here
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
