im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize