Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
