Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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