So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
